Forgive One Another

Weekly Update – March 31st, 2022

One of the hardest aspects of living in community with others is practicing forgiveness.  Someone says a wrong word against us, goes behind our back or tells others something untrue and it hurts us.  On many occasions the advice given to us might be to avoid the person who has wronged us, never trust them again, sit on the opposite side of the church and “warn” others about their sin.  But if we examine the Scriptures, we quickly notice that we can’t live like that.  We must pursue forgiveness with the one who has wronged us.  The part that still confuses many of us is this: what does forgiveness within the church look like?

Paul writing to the Ephesian church is clear in 4:32.  As members of the church we are to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”  Colossians 3:12-13 is just as clear, “…as God’s chosen ones….bearing with one another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.”  Then if you continue looking in the New Testament, this issue of forgiveness is to be dealt with privately between the two individuals at odds with one another (Matt 18:15).  But if the issue is not fully dealt with, it becomes a public issue within the church (Matt 18:17; Phil. 4:2).  The bottom line is, forgiveness is a necessary component within the community of God’s people.

The Scriptures may be clear on our need to forgive, but how do we actually do it?  Do we simply say in our hearts, “I forgive everyone who has every wronged me” and then move on?  Or do we refuse to forgive anyone because the pain caused to us is too great?  The helpful phrase used in the above Scriptures on forgiveness tells us that we are to “forgive as God has forgiven us.”  How has God forgiven us?  He has forgiven us fully, completely and forever.  God’s forgiveness then provides us with an example of how we are to forgive, as well as the motivation behind our own forgiveness of others.

Here then is what our forgiveness of others looks like based upon God’s forgiveness of us.  As Ken Sande put it in his book titled The Peacemaker, there are four necessary steps involved.  First, when we forgive we promise to no longer consciously dwell or think about the wrong that happened.  Second, we promise to no longer bring the incident up again and use it against the person who wronged us.  Third, we promise not to talk to others about what happened anymore.  Then lastly, we promise to no longer allow the incident to stand between us or hinder us in our personal relationship with the one who wronged us. 

The key point in the forgiveness process that we must remember is that forgiveness is meant to lead to a restored relationship.  Again, consider God’s forgiveness of us.  We don’t merely want forgiveness from our sins to say that we are forgiven.  We want forgiveness because we want a relationship with God.  In a similar vein, we ask for forgiveness or we grant forgiveness because we want a relationship that was once hindered and broken to be restored.  That means, on a very practical note, that we must be active in asking others for forgiveness when we wrong them and we should be prepared to grant forgiveness with others come and ask us for it. 

Forgiveness is a difficult topic to work through in our hearts.  There are some who have hurt us deeply in the past.  Hurtful words may live on in our hearts, just like actions committed against us may be hard to forget.  But in all of this, we must remember that we were wretched sinners who had infinitely offended the holy God of the universe.  Though this was the case, as Romans 5:8 says, even while “we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  God initiated the process of forgiveness with us.  He stands willing to forgive.  We must simply receive it.  This is our focus, but also our motivation.  Let us go and do likewise. 

Serving Him with You,
Pastor Michael Nelson